I'm not very good at updating these.
I actually left this account and started a new one.
It was deleted by DeviantArt without warning or prompt.
Pissed me off for a long time.
A website that literally translates into "perverted, counter cultured artworks" deletes my account for obscenity.
Just doesn't make a lot of sense.

Uhhhh...Lots of new stuff.
My life's cycle has led me down a road to photography.
It's what I want to do.
So, I'm trying.

Getting married soon enough.
Still love Jessica.

Until next year, probably...

-Cody.

A lot has happened since August 14th, 2005. I thought I would give everybody here a quick update that cares.

In September of 2005, I finally purchased a Canon 350D XT. It is the most happy I've ever been purchasing a camera, and it's worked wonders. I recently bought a Sigma 70-300 MM Lens to accompony me. I'm actually going to try and turn this into a profession.

Jessica and I are funding our marriage. And that is going along very nice. She makes me happy, and hopefully I do the same for her. Either way, June 15th, 2007 is the working date. At this point of my existence, I've never been happier.

All of my friends are gone. Rob moved to Quincy. He comes back every couple weeks, but I despise the majority of his other friends. Simply out of the fact that I think they are retarded. I slowly see him changing, and I don't like it. The final brick for him deciding to move was when the girl he was trying to see fucked him over, as usual. Her name is Zana, and she's a dumb, ignorant bitch.
Stephan and Adam are gone. I'm a little more upset about all of this, because they are 8 hours away. I talk to them every day, and I can tell by the safety of an IM box that they want to come home, but don't want to face the ridicule associated with it. That, and the town we live in is redneck USA, and if you don't farm or do factory work, you're pretty much fucked. Jessica and I plan to leave this shithole too. Just not until we're ready. And I know neither one of them were ready to leave. Either way, I miss the fuck out of them, and anticipate their return.

Vidblogs? Oh...I've made a couple. They've really taken a backseat, though, as I'm pretty much swamped from taking photos every day. Either way...here they are...

VidBlogs.

I've lost friends, gained friends, had bands, lost bands, taken photos, lost moments, battled depression and am now blessed with marriage.

All within half a year. Wild, huh?

I'm extremely bored and enthused tonight, so I'm uploading some stuff. I may try to get back into the swing of this site. But, you know how that usually goes.

I deleted a post on accident, and I forgot to update, jesus I am useless.

-Cody.

If you don't care to read, then please don't, I would rather have a full fledged comment, than a premature one.

I don't know what's causing my dad to become enraged so easily. I don't know if it's the alcohol, or something else, but when he becomes infatuated with anger, it causes me too as well, and I am tired of it. I REALLY am tired of it. It's beginning to scare me, to be honest.
It's almost as if he is taking all of his frustration from the month prior, and using it against me. Being called a fat slob, useless, loser, and at least a failure. He doesn't realize how much that bothers me. I can't stand someone calling me a loser that I try to hold the utmost respect for. And it's always over the same bullshit. Last night, for instance, we ate at Diamond Dave's at 3-ish. That was all great, but Jessica and I left for take some photos, and got back around 9. Admittingly, I was getting hungry. So I walked into the house to see dad and Dakota (and if you didn't already know, he is like my dad's fucking side kick) eating breaksticks from Domino's. "Hell Yeah!" I thought to myself. "I can go get some breaksticks!" So I asked, and I got the obvious, "God damn, how much food do you need to fucking eat?!" "Shit." I knew something was going to happen out of it. So I told him "Yah, I'm hungry." So Dakota chimes in with something irrelevent to the conversation as always, so I told him to just but out, and that it was none of his god damn concern. So it became an argument between us, and Dakota walked up like he was going to hit me, and took a swing at me. Fuck That! If Dakota was going to swing like he wanted to fight, he better be ready, right? Regardless of age, I am sick of that little piece of shit hitting me, and not getting disciplined for it. He's going to be a fucking axe murderer, you just fucking watch. Since the first punch didn't hit, I didn't do anything, except tell him to get the hell away from me or I was going to "knock his teeth down his throat." He didn't listen. He swung at me again, this time connecting with me shoulder. He knew he fucked up, because he turned around and tried to run behind dad. Of course he didn't do anything when Dakota punched, mind you at full force, so Dakota knew he wasn't in trouble. I needed to let him know that he was NOT to hit me again, so I swung at him, and hit him in the arm. He came back and punched me again, so I hit him again, same spot. It must of hurt, because he threw another punch, right at my chest and tried to run. "That's it!" I thought, I rose my fist up, and punched him in the back. He was not going to hit me again! No way. So, of course, dad then got up and proceeding to tell me I was a "Fucking Drop-Out Loser." First of all, I'm not a fucking loser, and second of all, who the hell is he to call me one? What has he done with his life to look down on me like I was some sort of vermon. So I pretty much said that, and he replied, "Just get out, you can move in with your mom." Oh Christ. This bullshit AGAIN! What the fuck is wrong with him? So, I left, to cool down and not lash out on him as well. Jessica bought me a few soda's, and we went back to the house to cool down for a second. We walked back inside, and it got extremely bad. I've chose not to go into details, but I am going to say he did something he never should of, and he knows he shouldn't of done it. I know he regrets it, but he won't say it to me. And I've also chose to get a job. My friend Rob is getting an apartment above the Chuck Wagon for 350 a month. A few appliances are free too, which is good. If I can't find somewhere else to stay, then I think that is the route I am going to take. Mainly because...I can't handle this shit anymore.
I can't handle my dad treating Dakota like he is royalty, and treating me like the red-headed step child.
I can't stand Dakota getting away with murder pretty much, hitting me, verbally abusing me, anything else. Nothing is said.
I hate not being able to defend myself when Dakota hits me. I know he is my brother, but I REALLY hate that kid.
I hate that Jessica has to deal with this shit too. That isn't right. It's wrong for her to have to deal with my problems. I am glad she is here, because I couldn't live with myself without her reassurance.
It's just...my dad, the one guy I looked up to as a child, the same guy that use to take me to car shows, play with bands, talk great about me, took me on late night soda runs, and overall, being my friend has completely deteriorated. There is no relationship anymore. Ever since he lost his job at Stone Container, he has began to ruin himself, and ruin my self-image as well. I am glad I have a strong will, because if I didn't...I'd be fucked. The teenage years are the most influental and hard times of life, I believe. I don't want pity or apathy from anyone, I just want my dad to respect me as a human being and love me like his son...instead of treating me like he doesn't know me, and doesn't give a shit. That really hurts my own self-image, and to be blunt, really hurts my feelings.
I really believe that within the next couple of years, I am going to go down the drain as well. I can stand hearing everyone I know calling me a loser, and useless. But when my own dad says it...it cuts deep. And he just doesn't realize that. He doesn't notice that I do so much more than most of the people I know. I make movies, i play music, I am a photographer, writer, computer graphics, among other sorts. Just because I would rather take a picture than fix a car doesn't make me useless. I think I am a pretty good kid for the most part too, that's what bothers me. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't stay out late, I don't party, I don't do drugs, and I'm trying to make something of myself. But because I don't care what kind of motor is in a car, I'm shunned, and Dakota is brought into the mainlight, because he sucks dad's ass like a leech.
I just wish I could go somewhere that I was respected. I wish I could have that caring here at home, but I can't. I could start crying right now, and he wouldn't even think twice to come see what was wrong, because he flat out doesn't care.
And I flat out lost respect for him.
He is still my dad, but until he gives up his habits, and stops taking shit out on me...
I'm done.
If anyone cares to give me ideas on where I could live, please leave a comment. I don't want to stay here anymore.





VIDBLOG 7: ARKANSAS.

I went to Fayetteville Arkansas just this past weekend with a friend. Please watch and enjoy.

[link]

-Cody.